I Lost Myself

    I am not me anymore.  I know that I am different, changed but I am not sure how.
    I lost myself somewhere, and I am scared I will never find me again.  I close my eyes lightly and see this low and empty me staggering through a thick fog with outstreached arms.  My fingertips dance in the vois just longing to feel the brush of my own skin, the real me nearby.  But my digits return empty and my confidence that I may be found slips a little more.  And yet I still reach out once again and spin around with hope. 
    I want to cry out for help.  But no one has noticed just how I have sank in the quicksand.  And I am afraid to show that I am up to my neck in confussion.  I am embarressed to let people see how changed I really have become.
    I never understood it when others would say they need to find themselves.  But now I do.  I have been thinking more and more how I just need to get away.  Climb in the car alone and take off with no route planned.  A solitary road trip with a pocketfull of cash and a tank full of gas.  Call work from the road and tell them not to expect me to come back.  Fill my trunk to the brim with clothes, snacks and cd's.  I want to so bad...if I only had the guts.
    There is a hole in me.  I honestly believe it started out almost microscopic, then it expanded to the size of a pinhead, a dime, a bullet wound...Lord knows how big it is now.  I feel as iff I am hemoroging internally.  The blood fills up my insides weighing me down.  My hands are drenched in my blood as I pack cause into my chest cavity trying to cling to myself. 
    I am lost. Gone, maybe forever.